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Alma
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Amberin and Amina
5:50
I love that sentence Kulsum and Zayan!!!
Maariya, Sandor
5:50
Alma , a young girl with beautiful blonde hair , skipped happily through snowy streets of Canada .
Safa ,Ahmed
5:51
As she flicked her scarf around her neck she looked happy .
Miss Moores
5:53
Well done, there are some fabulous descriptions here. Now can you write the opening paragraph to set the scene. You must comment on the setting (the snow and the town) and Alma, such as what she is wearing and how she is moving.
Amberin and Amina
5:55
The snow crunched underneath the young girl's feet as she made her way through the isolated street.
Saleeka&Hussain
5:57
Amberin I like the way you have created suspence.
Emily and Breshna
5:57
A snowy fluffy white day on the island of Barcelona has brought a little girl out side. Her name is Alma she is wearing  a grey bobbly hat and a nice pink coat her smile and her beautiful green eyes just light up her face. The big icicles dangled from the jagged rooftops!!
Kulsum and Zayan
5:58
Amberin and Amina I love how you described the streets.
Mahanoor
5:59
Emily and Breshna, remember that you are writing in the past tense!
Amberin and Amina
5:59
'Crunch, crunch.' Went the snow as it was being stood on by a little girl way past her bedtime! Her brilliant green eyes flicked from left to right; her cheeks were as red as roses. She tiptoed in her pointy boots and her scarf flapped in the wind. She then suddenly stopped, as she had spotted something in a creepy shops window. A doll that looked just like her, she even had miniature badges on that Alma also had on her baby pink Gillet! Walking inside the shop, Alma started her adventure with her twin doll.
Thank you Kulsum and Zayan!
Kulsum and Zayan
6:00
Amberin and Amina how you described the doll.
Eman & Ahad
6:01
As the people innocently sleeping but one little girl skipping with joy across the neglected paths of Barcelona was wearing a grey , bobbly candyfloss hat and a comfy Gillet turned around to a creepy abandoned shop.
Mahanoor
6:02
Eman and Ahad, I love the word abandoned.
Eman & Ahad
6:03
Blue hat and pink coat.
Saleeka&Hussain
6:03
Eman Ilike the way you have created suspence
Kulsum and Zayan
6:03
Eman and Ahad I love the description about the shop.
Fatima And Mubarra
6:03
The cute little girl with her beautiful eyes skipped through the misty town of Barcelona, as she walked through the town she could feel the lonely feeling going through her body.
Miss Moores
6:05
Well done Fatima and Mubarra, read through your work though. You have said she is skipping and she is walking. Perhaps you could change walked to wandered?
Mahanoor
6:05
Fatima and Mubarra, I love how you described her, but can you think of another word for lonely?
Saleeka&Hussain
6:05
Emily and Breshna  next time remember to put commas in your paragraph!!!
Mahanoor
6:05
Amberin and Amina, I love your description! Well done!
Amberin and Amina
6:06
The snow covered streets, where a little girl was skipping in, was silent in the night. The only thing to be heard was the crunching of the snow beneath her feet.
Miss Moores
6:06
I like the way you have used the word 'crunching' Amberin and Amina.
Mahanoor
6:07
Amberin and Amina, You can really make the reader picture the scene, good job!
gift and rebeka
6:07
The girl was joyfully skipping through  the town and her beautiful green eyes was looking around , suddenly  she saw a doll  that just looked like her  then she tried  to go inside the shop but it didn't open then as she went  the other way  the door opened and she went in she saw the doll on a table  she went near it
Saleeka&Hussain
6:07
Amberin i like the way you have described the snow
Amberin and Amina
6:07
Thank you Mahanoor for the wonderfull feedback!
Mahanoor
6:07
Gift and Rebeka, I love your description!
Amberin and Amina
6:08
Thank you again Mahanoor!
Maariya, Sandor
6:08
Alma a girl walking an abandoned alley way . Her rosy cheeks match her pink jacket .
Amberin and Amina
6:08
Bye Year 6!
Miss Moores
6:09
Wow, there were some fabulous ideas and excellent vocabulary used. Well done to everyone. I can't wait to see the ideas that you use and write in your books next week! Thank you, Miss Moores
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