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AvatarDavid Mitchell
4:26
Hi Pie, are you there?
Pie
4:27
Hello David - yes, I'm here!
4:28
I'm awaiting instructions! Story of my life.
AvatarDavid Mitchell
4:28
I'm going to display an image Pie sent me. I'd like you to add you name to the name box and write a sentence describing what you can see.
4:29
Pie
4:29
Pick out a detail to describe... e.g. storm clouds drifted.
Hayriye
4:29
Sunshine
Pie
4:29
You can alliterate, uses similes with like/as to help build the picture.
4:30
Extend the idea Hayriye, e.g. a shaft of sunshine illuminated the buildings below.
DL4632
4:30
Pumpkin lantern buildings
Hamda
4:30
crumbled buildings littered the streets
Pie
4:30
Nice idea - add to it... DL
Guest
4:30
The menacing sky enclosed the broken city.
Kelly
4:31
Rays of blinding light filtering through the derelict building, illuminating a scene of destruction.
Pie
4:31
Don't forget capital letters and full stops everyone.
Guest
4:31
beams of light hitting the castle like promises of a better life
Pie
4:31
Kelly - nice idea - is it filtering or filter?
ZW
4:31
Beams of golden light streamed through the hollowed out carcass of the department store building.
Constance
4:31
The sun shone through the gaps like angels from heaven singing an aria
Pie
4:31
Promises - neat image.
Kelly
4:32
I like filtering... suggests movement to me.
Pie
4:32
ZW - can you name it - what department store?
Alex
4:32
Light punched through the broken windows like a frantic fistfight.
Guest
4:32
Although the war has now ended, the sunshine peeping through the broken buildings has given us hope for a new start.
Guest
4:32
Reminds me of the cartoons my son watches.
Pie
4:32
Alex - Light punched or punches? I like the fistfight.
Guest
4:33
The menacing clouds crawled across the darkening sky giving an air of foreboading.
ZW
4:33
Beams of golden light streamed through the hollowed out carcass of the once bustling Marks and Spencers.
Pie
4:33
What sounds could you hear?
Guest
4:33
the sun shines through the building like a glowing fire
Pie
4:33
Guest - you are telling me they are menacing but it is more powerful to describe them so I can see them and feel that menace - show not tell.
4:34
ZW love the hollowed out carcass idea.
Kelly
4:34
In the distance sirens wail, echoing the cries of an orphaned child.
Guest
4:34
screeching dragons
Pie
4:34
Guest - a glowing fire or just glowing fire?
Guest  -now extend the idea - what variety of dragons, e.g. Storm Dragkns screech over head, etc
Jenni
4:35
The hooting of night birds through the gloom broke the menacing silence.
Sameena
4:35
The smell of death hung in the dank air, like a rotting corpse.
Pie
4:35
Jenni - which would have more impact on the reader 'birds' or 'owls/nightjars'?
Guest
4:35
glowing fire!
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