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AvatarDavid Mitchell
6:35
Good afternoon!
Ian
6:36
Good afternoon.
Russell
6:36
Hello there
Pie
6:36
Hello
AvatarDavid Mitchell
6:36
6:37
The Dragon woke up!
Pie
6:37
Nice starter to a story David - what happens next?
AvatarDavid Mitchell
6:45
The Dragon saw me and got frightened.
AvatarDavid Mitchell
6:43
The Dragon saw me and got frightened.
Pie
6:46
Can you find a stronger word than 'saw' - stared, glared? That will give the reader a stronger picture about how the dragon is feeling. Also - can you show me that the dragon is frightened rather than telling me, e.g. The Dragon glared at me and shivered.
AvatarDavid Mitchell
6:46
I think glared works best! What if I put I shivered?
Pie
6:47
Shivered, shuddered, shook? Try them out and reread to listen to how the sentence sounds and the image it creates for you.
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