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Year 3 and 4 shared write
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Emma Sayer
10:38
Hello Year 3 and 4, I can't wait to see what amazing ideas you have!
Luke and Alfie and Harvey
10:39
The tunnel was rough and there was multiple mosquitoes.they were eating me alive. once I strolled out I was hit with heat as hot as the sun. I saw a huge waterfall that was as beautiful as one of Van Goughs paintings.
Emma Sayer
10:40
Wow boys I love the way you have used similes to describe the heat and the waterfall!  Have a check - do your sentences start with capital letters?
Lola,Hunter
10:40
I woke up in a damp, ancient tunnel.Then there was water dripping on use.
Emma Sayer
10:41
Some great adjectives to describe the tunnel.  Check - is it use?  Or us?
Alex and Tilly-May
10:41
I woke up and I saw that I was in a dark, mysterious tunnel covered in moss.
Emma Sayer
10:42
Mysterious is such a good adjective, well done!  Could you use a fronted adverbial to start your sentence to make it sound more exciting?
tom and oliver
10:43 
As I opened my eyes I could see darkness in a green,mossy cave.It was as green as grass freshly grown.
Emma Sayer
10:44
I love that you have used a simile!  Can you think of something else to compare the green to other than grass?
Nikola and Amelia
10:44
After a terrible nights sleep,I woke up and I was petrified at what I was seeing. I found myself in a damp,ancient cave.Inside the cave I felt the murky,water under my legs.
Emma Sayer
10:44
What a great use of a fronted adverbial to start your sentence!  How did the water feel?
Caleb and Charlotte
10:44
I woke up in a damp, dark, ancient place and all I could see to brighten it up was a little bit of shining day light. It was full to the top with mosquitos that could bite your finger of.
Emma Sayer
10:45
I can spot an alliteration of damp and dark, fabulous!  Have a think - is it of or off?
Alex and Tilly-May
10:45
In the darkness, I kept on walking to the end of the tunnel until i spotted daylight.
Luke and Alfie and Harvey
10:46
As I  explored more I could see greenery that was so beautiful that it was like  I being hypnotised.
Emma Sayer
10:46
Oh my goodness I can really imagine what it was like there.  Are there any words missing?
Caleb and Charlotte
10:48
The tunnel that I fell into had water dripping from the top of it. The water made deep puddles on the floor of the hole.
Luke and Alfie and Harvey
10:49
I started to get hungry so I ate a herb but it taste horrible .
Emma Sayer
10:49
Great thinking about what your character might be doing!  Taste or tasted?
Miss Hulme
10:49
Wow Year 3 and 4, some great similes and fronted adverbials being used. Think about using your senses to describe what is around you.
tom and oliver
10:51
I climbed and stumbled but finally I got out .
Emma Sayer
10:52
Got out and saw what? Heard what?  Smelt what?
Jayden
10:51
i o woke up in a scruffy, ancient tunnel
Emma Sayer
10:52
Great use of adjectives to expand your phrase!  Is your sentence missing anything?
Caleb and Charlotte
10:53
When I crawled out of the tunnel there was a little water fall with hard rocks and stones. When I stood on a rock or a stone it was really difficult and tricky to step over them.
sinead and jessica
10:53
As i crawled out of the tunnel i could see a water fall. I could hear the water at the bottom and birds.
Emma Sayer
10:53
What were the birds doing?
Alex and Tilly-May
10:53
As I crept out of the tunnel, I saw a beautiful waterfall. Leaning down, I could hear the water dripping down and the trees rustling.
Emma Sayer
10:54
Oooh I love the word crept, I can really imagine how the character is moving!  This is fabulous.
Miss Hulme
10:54
Caleb and Charlotte - great fronted adverbial, but what should come after it?
Wow Alex and Tilly-May! I love this!
Nikola and Amelia
10:54
When I found my way through the tunnel I saw a gorgeous water fall I was jellos and touched it ...it felt like watery couscous.
Emma Sayer
10:56
I love that you have used a simile.  Is watery couscous the best way to describe how a waterfall would feel?
Harry
10:56
I was walking home and some one grabbed me and took me to there base and as soon as we got there i thought that i was dreaming but i wasent  i saw a beatyful
Emma Sayer
10:57
Wow Harry, I love the phrase 'I thought I was dreaming'!  Have a look, can you read again and see if there are any fulls tops missing?
Lola,Hunter
10:57
I crawled through the  tunnel then i saw  lovely  coloured leaves.
Nikola and Amelia
10:57
I heard a horrible legend at this waterfall that a gruesome monster live at this exact location... is it true.
Emma Sayer
10:57
Gruesome is such a good adjective, well done!  If you are saying is it true, you are asking a question.  What punctuation does it need?
Caleb and Charlotte
10:58
As well as just stones and rocks I saw leaves blowing and rustling about. There was also birds chirping in the trees and the trees rustling          about in the wind.
Luke and Alfie and Harvey
10:58
As I crept closer, I heard the acute waterfall. Crashing, it pushed small pebbles along the the soft, slippery floor.
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