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Year 3 and 4 shared write
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Jayden
10:58
The  beautiful water dripped like tires .
Emma Sayer
10:58
Dripped like tears, wonderful description!
Harrison
10:58
I woke up in a damp , ancient  tunnel. Then there was water dripping on use.
Alex and Tilly-May
10:59
I could smell the falling waterfall but also the damp cave behind me.
tom and oliver
11:00
I got hungry I walked some more but was tired but I finally found a rustling,crunching apple tree.
Emma Sayer
11:01
I love the word crunching, I can imagine how the leaves must be old and dead.  Would you use but twice in a sentence?
Caleb and Charlotte
11:00
I could hear the water dripping from the water fall and the trees.
Miss Hulme
11:01
Great sentence Caleb and Charlotte. What could the trees be doing?
Luke and Alfie and Harvey
11:02
Around it , was millions of flowers dangling above the water.
Emma Sayer
11:02
Around what?
Nikola and Amelia
11:02
I ran and ran and didn't look back and then I found myself in a unusual place.
Emma Sayer
11:03
I love the way you have repeated ran and ran, it adds to the excitement!  Would this have more effect if it was two shorter sentences?
Miss Hulme
11:03
Luke, Alfie and Harvey, I love how you've described the flowers. Have a think - is it was or were?
sinead and jessica
11:03
I walked on and on as the trees hung over me. I didn`t know where this would lead me.
Lola,Hunter
11:04
Then we went in to this unusual forest it looked  like a garden.
Emma Sayer
11:05
Me and Harry like your description- we like the word unusual.  Might this need to be two sentences?  Read it out loud.
Miss Hulme
11:05
Great starting sentence Sinead and Jessica! Could you extend your second sentence with a co-ordinating conjunction?
Alex and Tilly-May
11:05
When i got to the bottom of the waterfall, I could see the twinkling stars behind the trees. Also I could see the trees bending over like a archways.
Nikola and Amelia
11:06
I realised that I have been hear before but I couldn't remember the way back.
Emma Sayer
11:07
Oh wow this really makes the reader think that the character might be in trouble!  Check your spelling of 'hear', is this the correct homophone?
Luke and Alfie and Harvey
11:08
All around me, there was light coming from above. I didn't know were it was coming from but I was theorising about what it was. It was all muddy all over the ground.
Miss Hulme
11:08
Alex and Tilly-May - I love the way you have described the stars. Have a think - is it a or an archway?
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