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11th June Show
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Mr Simpson Summerfields
10:28
Melody - is a comma the right punctuation for your sentence?
Ms McCarron
10:29
Eleanor-I reckon you have the start of an intriguing story here! Could you build on how she walked? Cautiously? Slowly?
Mrs D
10:29
Ava - What happen's next?  What made you look at the door to start with?
Mrs Kilgour
10:29
Evie - I love your short sentences which show the surprise of the narrator.
Mr Simpson Summerfields
10:30
'smooth surface of the sapphire' - great alliteration, Eden - a lovely sentence!
Ms McCarron
10:30
Evie- nice use of short sentence for effect.
Mrs D
10:31
Emily Manor Field - I like the contrast of blinding light and then everything going dark.
Mr Simpson Summerfields
10:31
Great work everyone - some amazing descriptions and thanksto everyone for sharing and commenting. Summerfields are off to break - see you again tomorrow! thanks Abi, Pie, Ian, Deputy Mitchell!
Ms McCarron
10:33
Sean-I like the 'bang' and the short sentence style you have used. Could you find different adjectives to use instead of 'small' and 'dark'?
10:34
Are you here Year 3/4 Minch? Don't be shy!
10:35
I know you can give year 5/6 a run for their money with your writing!
Will LEH
10:47
He reached for the box and opened it inside was a small gold ring he piked it up and droped it and suddenly the ring expaned and turned into a large portal
George Llandogo
10:47
He was surrounded by trees entwined with weeds and ivy like the twig was. He made a mental note to put the box back in the secret celllar.
Toby - JMPS
10:48
Tommy looked around and saw a mass of mugs - but one looked different. He touched it. A bellowing rumble came from his tummy.
Sachin-Warren Road
10:48
There was no way I could get out of here....
George
10:48
On contact, I noticed a silver serpent slithering slowly round towards my hand it crawled up onto my hand, quick as a flash the world around me disappeared.
Ellie(thorntree)
10:48
As my eyes scanned the old run down store i noticed a rose slightly out of place so,I decided to pick it up.
Onora
10:48
Encrusted in gold was the Crystal of the Sea...
Violet LEH Y6
10:48
Maya saw an stone ingraved with a mermaid.She toughed it it felt wet somehow.Suddenly Maya had a green scaily tail.She was in the ocean trapped.Not knowing where she is...
Avneet
10:48
Hi I’m in school and every one in my school is sending comments
Pippa
10:48
Standing at the front of the antique stall, I caught sight of my reflection in an old wooden mirror. I reached out to gently touch it, shocked by sudden disappearance of my hand!
Ted K.B Lionel Primary School
10:48
And in another flash boom, Victorians, Tudors, The Great Fire of London.
Milena S
10:48
She saw a bottle start to glow on a shelf.
Hayden, Summerfields
10:48
So I tip toed slowly over to the vase and picked it up, suddenly, i have teleported to a galaxy far, far away, on Mars looking up in the stars seeing the midnight sky filled with stars
Nina S-H
10:48
She touched the box immediately she saw swirling colours circling around her.
Guest
10:48
I walked into the jumble sale and saw a ginormous shiny key. I picked it up. It was strangely light. A second later I looked around, but no-one was there and I wasn't even at the jumble sale anymore.
Georgina (BDJS)
10:48
The bells were engraved with complicated looking dragons and bursts of dangerous flames...
Bishal-Thorntree
10:48
As he walked into the small shop he saw a golden staff shining on the dusty shelf,it was calling to him he walked unsteadily to it when he held it in his hand his life was changed forever.
Edith
10:48
In a flash of light he was standing on a cloud but he didn't fall through them.
Daisy LEH
10:48
Millie was walking round the woods she noticed a different type of tree.
Abigail/Kilmington
10:48
Vanessa and Tracy put on the silver necklaces and fell thousands of feet...where? How? and Why?
Adyan Delves
10:48
I can see a shop that sells old stuff.
CoreyTaylorAllan
10:48
a boy touched a greek sword and went to a paradise and everything was supernatral or magic
Maisy
10:48
He realised that he wasn't himself anymore. He was... he was a...
Bispham Drive
10:48
When I held the rusty fountain pen in my hand, I popped into a dimension of science.
Neve leh
10:48
I dropped it and you'll never believe what I saw.
Phoebe 11 RJS
10:49
We land on some purple. A girl appears. "She's here! The saviour is here." She bows. What's going on? I'm no saviour. I'm an antiques dealer, for crying out loud!
Daisy . G
10:49
Maisy noticed a glistening silver box . It had a lightning bolt engraved on the sparkling lid . Reaching to touch it , she tenderly fingered the stunning silver hinges .
Niamh Osbaston CiW
10:49
Cleo noticed a golden chest in the corner of the shop. It was old, and dusty, but she was drawn to it. She stepped over to it, and tried to blow the dust off, but it didn't work particularly well. She felt slightly cheated. They always did that in films! She wiped it with her hand instead, and suddenly she was gone!
Freya pensby primary school
10:50
There was only one reason for this.The mug had made Archie teleport to a boiling hot desert like a sea of sand. There was something different about this desert.
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