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14th May Show
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Mrs Pearce
10:25
@Louis - great stuff.  The eyes 'located' or 'peering'?
Sachin
10:25
@Kobe from WR What hat?
Lucas
10:25
Take this girl for example. Yes the one who seems to be delivering flowers to a waiting husband. Is that what she's doing? Or are they killer roses. We'll probably never know...
Olivia st Teresa’s
10:25
Now let’s see ahh , can’t you see, she is carrying a large, black wip . She uses that to hit her employees who say they’re under payed . She also uses it to hit small children on their trikes.
Sachi
10:25
Take this man for example. Do you see him? Look, him over there! Look, his hair is so messy like a swarm of bees.Do you see his beard, it is all over the place, like a thorn bush!And do you see  his leg? It's wobbling  like jelly. What do you think happened to it?Just look at him, his whole image is creepy. He's at a creepy hotel, he's a creepy man and, look! Over there! In his hands. He is holding a creepy package. Wait, its moving!
Oliver (Pensby Primary)
10:25
The one who stands six foot tall without a face, who is this man?
CJ from CJS
10:25
Take this dog for example... The one with his tongue drooping from his mouth. The one with the straggly hair that sticks up like it has just come out of bed. Next to his master. The master with the long, black mackintosh coat. The one with the half moon glasses, smoking a pipe. See him? Good.
Kate
10:25
See that man the frail one with an angry expression etched on his wrinkly face that has dry mud caked in between. The man with a croaky voice.
Rose.W
10:25
The one clutching the teddy close to her chest.
Mrs Hughes and Aneira
10:25
Arthur - good detail to create suspicion...why is the man wrapping himself in his leather jacket like that?
Mrs James
10:25
Arthur - great line about the stiff collar.  It helps me see your character as only certain people would wear a stiff collar.
Bethany Tatsfield Primary School
10:25
I love your description Harry SWW! :)
Sachin
10:25
@Harry SWW Well done
Jonathan
10:25
did you see her the ladies with with a sunglasses and the taser  in his pocket
Kaya
10:25
Take this girl for example. The one with the polished, black boots and a large black hoodie.Yes, that one with the strands of black hair peeking out of the hood.
Liam
10:25
See that guy over there? See him? The one who is bald, the one wearing a blue shirt. I wonder where he is gong?
Utkarsha
10:25
Who had darkness enveloping her moody body
Mrs Shirtliff
10:25
Nina - she slowly walks. Great use of adverb, because now I want to know why she's walking slowly!
Sachin
10:26
@George Llandogo What flowers?
izzabella
10:26
loving this radio blog This book is amazing! Please say hi to everybody at carmountside primary schoool!
Ted K.B
10:26
Suprisingly, a car is turning up - a stretched hummer. Why does he need it if it can fit six people but there's only him?
Mrs Pearce
10:26
@Lucas - great idea to have your character holding something.  Are there any other clues on his body or from the way he is moving to tell the reader he might be dangerous?
Arthur
10:26
A slim lady is sauntering over to him now with a stunning hat and long dress.
Louis SWW
10:26
The one whose disembodied voice sent shivers down my spine.
Hannah from Year 5
10:26
Emily N- I like the idea of long hair. Perhaps you could expand on it, eg her long, flowing stream of golden hair. Hope that helps!
keerat
10:26
The one that has a bald head with shiny black shoes. Yes that's him. The one that's patting the black greyhound. Wait a greyhound
Edith
10:26
The one with  stickers on his face I am sure  I have seen him before
Shreesha
10:26
Ummm interesting, did he have pink beard, YES!, brown pant?, YES, and yellow hair? YEEEESSSS!!!
Ella from Class 3!
10:26
@Mrs Pearce She is holding a walking stick which she pokes at children when they get in her way.
Onora
10:26
She walks like she is hurt, very carefully but sadly.
Maisie
10:26
Take this girl for example, see her? The one who is holding colourful flowers, who has short brown hair and looks like she is in a hurry, I wonder where she is going?
Bethany Tatsfield Primary School
10:26
A hint of greed lingers in his eyes as he stares at an emerald necklace on another woman.
Phoebe 11 RJS
10:26
Can you see the man with the red eyes? Yes the one who's staring at us, he has two fangs protruding over his lips. He has a huge chirping metal case handcuffed to his wrist. Hold on, his case is chirping. Why?
Mrs Pearce
10:26
@Ella excellent idea
Mrs James
10:27
Edith, great idea, "I am sure I have seen him before."  Read your work aloud.  Can you spot where missing punctuation should go?
Mrs Shirtliff
10:27
Edith - interesting. Where do you think you might have seen him before?
AvatarDavid Mitchell
10:27
Well done everyone! 5000 words in this Jotcast!! I love seeing some of the children commenting on each other's writing too!
Mrs Pearce
10:27
@Phoebe great stuff - maybe he is 'dragging' the suitcase or 'lugging' the suitcase?
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