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Comment Corner 5th May
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Hadley
10:32
The cream coloured cat perched proudly on top his favourite post like a king watching over his kingdom. Mice and birds scurry away in fear of being a next meal.
Felicia
10:32
The cat jumped onto a log desperately trying to find a mouse to eat.
Felix F
10:32
The cat, who was feeling irresistibly peckish, posed on the rotting post, ready to pounce.
Mrs James
10:32
Bethany, I very much like the way you have showed how the cat was feeling by using words such as 'gingerly' and the phrase 'sensing the air behind him'.
Sarah
10:32
The General surveys his territroy.
keerat
10:32
Mr Cat stood on top of the wooden post, looking for Tom the mouse.
Miss Mallon
10:32
The accomplished feline stood tall on the fence post and realised
Mrs Hughes
10:32
“What do I expect you to do, Gerald?  I expect you to be my dinner!” she smiled from the fence.
Mrs James
10:32
Onora, can you be more specific?  What type of cat?
Jane
10:32
Millicent perched perilously, peering from her vantage point, waiting for the right moment to let her presence be revealed...
James A
10:32
Mr Mouskey stared longingly at the bluebirds tweeting in the distance, as he formed a cunning plan on how to gain the upper hand in their long running battle.
Mrs E SPS
10:32
Smokey balanced perfectly on the fulcrum post, staring intently at the rustling grass.
Holly
10:33
Escaping the snarling dog, Stripe leapt from post to post.
Poppy M
10:34
The cat spotted a mouse eating a berry and starts to yowl.
Molly in Haslingden
10:34
Perched on the fence-post, Socks waited and watched like a sniper.
Hannah
10:34
The cat glared at the mouse,without blinking,  waiting for the time to pounce. A hit! The mouse was gone, dissappeared, evaporated.
Ella
10:34
Not blinking,the cat surveyed its lair.
Bethany
10:34
Thank you Pie! I should change it to 'scouring the grass' for other animals!
Shreesha
10:34
The bulging amber cat was staring at the fierce, little mouse,GERALD.
Seth at SwW
10:34
The fluffy tabby cat stares at it's pray ready to pounce.
Robbie
10:35
The cat's sapphire eyes glinted in the warm afternoon sun, staring suspiciously at the rustling pile of leaves.
Mrs James
10:35
Ella, you have included lots of ideas in your writing.  If you want to build tension, try and make your sentences short.  Explain each part.  Gradually building up the tension.
Isla
10:36
Amelia, I think the word happily is a bit too normal, should you use something more special?
Mrs James
10:36
Sarah, great metaphor of describing the cat as a major!
Mr Sands
10:36
The cat clung effortlessly, preparing to risk yet another of its nine lives.
Ella
10:36
The fat spoilt cat had obviously not enough food, ran to the meadow picked up Gerald and.....
Mrs Murrin
10:36
Henry glared at the action below, aware that his jumped ability was questionable and the leap could be his last.
Emily-Oaksey Class3
10:36
The humming birds feathers are painted by a rainbow.
Gregory SPS
10:36
I think your sentence is very tight and considered! It captures the action. Mrs E
Mrs James
10:36
Jane, I really enjoyed your writing. You have used some descriptive phrases that remind me of Varjak Paw e.g. "perched perilously".  Well done.
Mr Paul
10:36
Eyes fixed, muscles taught, Jemima paused for a long second before launching herself at the annoying ball of string.
Mrs James
10:36
Bethany, What beautiful manners!  You are certainly very lucky to get feedback from Pie.
AvatarDavid Mitchell
10:37
Well done everyone! Super work!!
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