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Comment Corner 6th May
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keerat
10:31
The battered room was abandoned years ago, cobwebs hung from the black thick walls. Tom suddenly  slipped from the foot hold of the wall, trying to escape.
Mrs Kilgour
10:31
Seb, I love how you have used 'heart racing' to show how Annie is feeling.
Gennie
10:31
The bricks clattered like bones in a grave, I turn around, I knew someone was there and was always there.
Tallulah
10:31
She stepped forward and, without her even touching it, the door closed behind her.
Holly B
10:31
Mrs James thank you for your comment.
Mr Walker
10:31
Bethany: Love the ‘footsteps echoing’ and using ‘a figure’ - these really build up the suspense.
Sachin
10:31
Krista- Jamiea is an interesting name
Bethany
10:31
What kind of spiders or wood is it , Lily SWW?
Mrs James
10:32
Lily, just adding spiders makes you feel scared.  How could you add to this?  Could you add more description to the spider?  How did it move?  How did it watch her?
Liz (Mrs W)
10:32
Shafts of light entered the cellar of the bombed out shell, uncovering secrets hidden for years. Betty scrambled over the bricks, stumbled, then fell the last few feet onto the dusty floor.
Felicia
10:32
Slowly, Maya tip-toed into the cellar. Was anyone in there?
Abigail
10:32
Carelessly, Sapphire was walking down the street she wasn’t looking and she fell into the hole and landed in a brick room. She shouted but no one could hear here in the corner of her eye she saw an old man. She turned terrified. This room felt unstable. Sapphire silver did like the man.
Devon
10:32
Suddenly, the unstable ceiling crumbled, alerting the girl.
Joshua
10:32
Stealthily Samuel escaped knowing someone was on him.
Felix F
10:32
Joe cautiously tiptoed down to the dark, damp cellar. Suddenly          , he saw a wormy tail shoot past him.
Isla
10:32
Ju-Ah-Lee, maybe you could put some descriptive words in there.
Bethany
10:32
Thanks Mr Walker!
Sachi
10:32
" Woah." he said. Where was he? Suddenly, he heard a small sniffle come out the corner. Then he saw it. The most terrifying thing know  to man. Blood.
Mrs James
10:33
Devon, I like unstable ceiling.  Think about how to build tension by using short sentences.  Having a very short sentence in amongst longer sentences really makes the reader stop and think.
Maxim
10:36
A crack zoomed on the obliterated ceiling, a creak pierced the air like screaming desperately for aid and shards of glass were scattered across the floor. The silence was slices in half - sliced by a figure...
Sachin
10:36
Thank you Mrs James
Guest
10:36
looking around the room it was dusty and it made me feel shivery I had Butterflies in my stomach.
George
10:36
Jack stared around, to see what caused the sound.
Sachin
10:36
Thanks Pie for reading mine out
Rebecca
10:36
The other one wasn't finished. Christine stepped inside. Immediately she felt the eyes of someone, something watching her. She looked behind her wanting to get out but the door had disappeared.
Ella from Class 3
10:36
As I investigated the deep dark basement, I heard a creek behind me then.... BANG. I was locked in. HELP! LET ME OUT! 
I was stuck...
Kaya
10:38
I cautiously peered around the attic. Bricks thudded onto the mossy, wooden floor. The floorboards creaked under the weight of my feet.I began to walk up what looked somewhat like a ladder, when I saw a large shadow darted across the room. I assumed that I had just imagined it, and I walked up to the roof.  I tripped over a  slab. My feet dangled through the hole. I felt something grab onto my legs and I was dragged down.
Niamh
10:39
Jasmine peered around nervously, her heart pounding. What was she doing? She wasn't the kind of person who explored forbidden areas. And yet here she was, standing in the entrance of the cellar, fists clenched, lips tight together, daring herself not to scream...
Emily
10:39
With trepidation, Alice crept silently into the deserted cellar. The only light came from a trapdoor above her illuminating the dirt encrusted wooden boards. Her hesitant footsteps echoed around the room, reverberating against the mossy brick wall. Crumbled bricks lay scattered on the cold, slimy floor and  bits of moss and string were hanging from the ceiling. Suddenly, there was a creaking sound above her...
Ju-Ah Lee
10:39
Thanks Isla
Abigail
10:39
Jake  fell in a hole . He turned and found a ladder as he touched it it vanished how would he get out now? This was terrible. Jake remembered he had a rope in his bag !
Reece CHS
10:39
Dirty, rat home suddenly there were ashes falling from the ground.
Maxim
10:39
It grumbled - or was it he? It couldn't be told. He sneered malevolently as it approached from the dominant darkness. It clenched its fists, fury but at the same time malice enveloping its fist. It was black - black as the raging night and it strode with immense pride.
10:57
"Who are you?" I trembled, goosebumps prickling my skin.
Emma B
10:57
Carefully Eve stepped into the cellar making sure she was the only one there in the dark scary room. A small ray of light that managed to peak through a hole in the wall grabbed her attention.
Seb
10:57
Mrs Kilgour, thank you!
Eliza W
10:59
Proudly, Rob swung open the door effortlessly. He peered behind him at Jane to see her reaction. He was too confident to look at what lay behind the door. The colour drained from Jane's face. Her eyes widened and her jaw dropped. Rob realised she wasn't excited. She was the complete opposite. Scared, Rob twisted his head, nervous to what he would see. He caught a glimpse of what lay before his stunned eyes. Beetles and spiders crawled out of the cracks in the stone walls. As much as Rob wanted to turn back, the gloomy air dragged him in.
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