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Descriptive Writing
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Mr Shelton
4:44
Hello Year 5
Lucas and jess
4:46
Hi sir
Jacob and Dylan
4:46
Hello
Harrison and Riley
4:46
Hello
Stephen and Shinwin
4:46
Hello
Munashe and Miley
4:46
Hello
Maddie
4:46
Hello
Imisi and frankie
4:47
Hi
Olivia and Dilly
4:47
Hello sir
Poppie , Millie
4:47
Hello sir
Jamillah richard
4:47
Hello
Mr Shelton
4:49
Write a descriptive sentence about this scene.
Lucas and jess
4:53
The dark ominous water shined upon the trees as shadows surrounded the fishermen's boat as the fog grew thicker.
Jacob and Dylan
4:53
it was a cold winter day the blue shalow water was nearly turned into ice the trees was covered in snow the ground was covered into snow
Mr Shelton
4:53
Don't forget your capital letters.
Maddie
4:54
The crystal ice  was shining the wavy trees were groaning in the
Poppie , Millie
4:54
The frosty cold blue sea was surrounded by majestic ever lasting evergreens
Mr Shelton
4:54
Great adjectives!
Jamillah and Richard
4:55
It is freezing cold and the fog was pewter  nobody  to be seen  and not a breath could be heard.
Mr Shelton
4:55
Would this work better as separate sentences?
Harrison and Riley
4:55
it was a freezing cold day and all the crystal clear water was frozen. The trees were dropping snow. All of the fishermans were as frozen as ice and there boat could not move
Mr Shelton
4:56
Great sentences.  Don't forget capital letters and full stops.
Olivia and Dilly
4:56
It was a wintry night. The fog was as pale and white as the snow. A breeze gently rushed past the necks of the people walking round the frozen lake.
Mr Shelton
4:57
Amazing! How did the wind make them feel?
Jacob and Dylan
4:57
It was a cold Winter day the water was clean as ice.Nobody was around every were was very icy.Nobody would want to come out on an icy day.
Mr Shelton
4:57
Great sentences.  Be careful how you write 'every were'.  Can you change this?
Munashe and Miley
4:58
On a peaceful, snowy evening, the charcoal fog  was covering the sapphire sky. The reflective, arctic river reflects like a mirror.
Mr Shelton
4:59
Wonderful colour description and a great simile.  If you were standing in this scene how would you feel?  Can you use show me don't tell me?
Imisi and frankie
5:00
It was a frosty day, the crystal clear water was icy as can be. The trees shivered in the peal white blanket that earth had given them.
Mr Shelton
5:00
Wonderful description and use of personification.  Can you continue the description?
Jamillah and Richard
5:00
It was freezing cold and the fog was pewter.Nobody could be seen and not a breath could be heard.
Maddie
5:01
As the tree shook off the hard snow layer the wind wined deafing
Mr Shelton
5:02
Great fronted adverbial.  Would 'deafeningly' work better?
Harrison and Riley
5:02
It was a freezing cold day and the crystal clear water was frozen like a block of ice. The trees were dropping snowflakes. All of the fishermen were frozen like a snow blizzard and there boat couldn’t move at all.
Mr Shelton
5:02
Amazing description.  Could you use another synonym for freezing or frozen to avoid repeating yourself?
Olivia and Dilly
5:02
The wind unlocked a full of life spirit in them
Jacob and Dylan
5:03
It was a Winter cold day.A frozen lake Nobody was around it was very quiet.
Lucas and jess
5:03
The ice cold river had a inn near by were many fishermen rested and told stories. Of the ice cold river that  mentioned mythical beasts in the river that almost captivated there small boat as the fog fell amongst the trees.
Mr Shelton
5:04
You walk through this scene and find this house.  Continue your description.  Think about your 5 senses.  What can you hear, see, taste, smell, feel?
Poppie , Millie
5:04
as the snow was falling on to ever lasting evergreen the cold blue sea  was coved in majestic snowfall snowflakes
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