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13th May Show
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Emily,10
5:15
Hesitantly, with trembling fingers, she undid the string and peered inside...
Abigail northmead
5:15
Serum carefully lifted the parcel to her chest then there was huge gust of wind the train was here .
Louis SWW
5:15
Seren clutched the package, pondering if she should open it.
Rebecca From Bunel Class
5:15
Seren poked the box-like package and is jumped back...
St Vincent's School, Hull
5:16
Seren slowly, carefully, peeled off the wrapping.
Josh & Evie
5:16
The curiosity got the better of her.
Ted
5:16
As she h picked it up she heard a strange croaking.
LuisWRPS
5:16
Seren clutched the package. But when she looked doown, it was gone
Emma B
5:16
Seren didn't know what to do, open the parcel, or leave and get on the train.
Winnie - SWW
5:16
She stared into the distance but nothing was there.
Natasha f
5:16
Serum peered around, in the distance she hears her train she takes a look to see if she can see it...nothing.
Shreesha
5:16
He turn over the paper, nothing was written on it!
Mrs James
5:16
Shreesha - you have said the parcel is opened.  How can you build up to the opening of it?  This is a big event in the story and you may need to write it over a  number of sentences in order to build tension.
Chloe -SWW
5:16
Then suddenly a small parcel flew to her face, but as she ducked and caught it, another screech came from the box.
Tilly-Ann
5:16
Seren needed answers, the noise in the package was too tempting, she knew the train was approaching and she may have company soon.
Joe
5:17
The lines began to shake
Pie
5:17
Keep working everyone.
Rose.W
5:17
The clock struck nine and Seren hered the swift chug of the train.
Isabella SWW
5:17
Violently the box shook as Seren stared at it.
David STBernaddetts
5:17
seren took the parcel
Edith
5:17
Seren then quickly shut it again.
Mrs James
5:17
Tilly-Ann.  I very much like the sentence Seren needed answers.
Pie
5:17
Build up your paragraph!
Oliver screen sww
5:17
The next minute mum returned and Seren was so happy.Go on open the parsel.Bang.It's gone
Eliza W
5:17
From up in the sky, swooped down a dark cloaked creature. Too small to be a person. Too big to be an owl
Miraclea
5:17
Frightened, she walked over to the parcel and teared a corner. The edge of a book...
Sachi
5:17
She took a deep breath then began to peel back the corners, first top corner then the bottom, what she saw was unbelievable, she just could not believe it...
George Llandogo
5:17
Seren decided to grab the box and sprinted on to the train, and sat down on a seat. The box was making a fizzing noise as if it was alive, and suddenly a huge explosion could be heard...
Arthur
5:17
Seren grasped the package and sprinted onto the empty platform.
Ted
5:17
Gingerly, she set the parcel on her lap.
Nicola
5:17
And then, just as she had decided to abandon the parcel, it emitted a low hum.
Josh & Evie
5:17
Her grubby finger pulled the string.
Pie
5:17
Reread your first sentence to write the next sentence...
Olivia
5:17
With strong will power, Seren removed the package out of her site.
Olive
5:17
Suddenly 'creak' wooden door started to open and...
Amelia
5:17
Seren wondered wether or not she should open the mysterious package. Just then, the package made a noise. She jumped back, dropping the parcel. It ripped open...
wilfred
5:17
Her whizzing brain landed on the disition to open the parcel for its perfictaly wrapped paper seemed almost hipnotic.
Jacob
5:17
Thank you Mrs James
Annabel Lowe Rivelin School
5:17
At that that moment Seren heard the chugging of a train. Should she open it or go on the train.......
Rebecca From Bunel Class
5:17
All was still a horrible stillness a dark stillness.
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