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Descriptive Sentences 2
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Harrison
6:30
As seagulls few around the old rusty old tower in the sea they sure some one inside.
Mr Tinsley
6:30
Harrison - saw? Check your use of punctuation too
Hannah and Jack.
6:31
The ancient, wooden houses, stood in the middle of the lost city of Atlantis. The city far away, so they didn’t see the mermaids tails hiding in the wooden houses.
Mr Tinsley
6:32
Hannah and Jack - you have 2 errors in this. 1. You have used too many commas in the first sentence. 2. Your second sentence doesn't make sence
Miles and Dom
6:35
The water clashed against the humongous, metal carriers, and with a deafening boom, the rusty door slightly opened and a yellow, illuminated eye scrutinised me as I went to tell Captain Sprinkles.
Isla&Cossie
6:35
A crusty old spaceship has been there for years, a crooked old spaceship rotted into pieces.
Mr Tinsley
6:35
Isla and Cossie - are these 2 sentences? I don't think a comma works here
Kieran and Laurence
6:35
As the strong splashes of water hit the old rusty towers which made it weaker, birds flew-over in curiosity.
Mr Tinsley
6:36
Kieran and Laurence - You haven't used a comma correctly. Think about how a comma is used
Luke and Callum
6:36
The death defying sea look liked it was about to disintgrate the oil rigs.
Mr Tinsley
6:36
Luke and Callum - spot the mistake and correct
Josh and Imogen
6:36
Standing in the sea was a look out point which might of been used in the army to look  were there enemies.
Mr Tinsley
6:37
Josh and Imogen - Check this sentence again. Punctuation needed and also the last part deosn't make sense
Ruby and Ankita
6:37
Standing in the old rusty house suddenly the waves of the ocean began to clash against me. Could this be the end?
Mr Tinsley
6:38
Ruby and Ankita - who is standing there?
Neve & Kacie
6:38
But then, a ship full of our enemies came for revenge...are we ready for the fight of our lives?
Tom and Dan
6:38
The rotting, rusty storage containers lie swaying upon the ocean.
Mia & India
6:38
After I woke up from my bed with a saw back, I herd thunder crash through the sky. I got up and went out to see what was happening. I as so scared when I saw a shadow of strange looking things in the sea. I suddenly felt that there was connection between me and the mysterious things . . .
Mr Tinsley
6:39
Mia and India - great use of a cliff hanger. Saw or sore? herd or heard?
Leo & Charlie
6:39
The Elegant waves rippled against the ancient rusty metal .
Abigail
6:39
As he swam closer to the eerie sound he gazed at what used to be an army base which was now collapsing to the bottom of the ocean floor
Mr Tinsley
6:40
Abigail - punctuation after the adverbial phrase
Luke and Callum
6:40
The crashing waves bashed upon the oil rigs
Kieran and Laurence
6:40
In the dirty green waters are towers, pollution and in the sky the clouds are gloomy, dark, grey and rain looking while birds fly across the sky in curiosity.
Mr Tinsley
6:42
Kieran and Laurence - Compare mine to yours. In the dirty green waters are towers. In the sky, the clouds are gloomy, dark grey. Rain falls hard onto the rusty roof, whilst birds fly curiously across the sky
Miles and Dom
6:42
Captain Sprinkles expression was masked because he couldn’t believe the news I had to offer to him. All of a sudden, a rattling sound came from the air vents as the lights blacked out.
Isla&Cossie
6:42
The inside was manky, horrible, smelly and old it was like a gas bomb exploded, it looks like a Aline drink.
Mr Tinsley
6:43
Isla and Cossie - this should be more than one sentence. Edit please
Hannah and Jack.
6:43
The ancient, wooden houses stood in the middle of the lost city of Atlantis. The closest city couldn’t see the mermaid tai
Harrison
6:43
As the old rusty tower got hit by the sea it’s legs got weaker and nearly fell.
Izzy and toni
6:43
As the sea crashed against the dirty black  polls,  Eagles swarmed across the greye sky’s
Mr Tinsley
6:43
Izzy and Toni - did you mean to use a capital letter in the middle of a sentence?
Ruby and Ankita
6:43
Without warning, clouds started to gather in so that there sky was clouded with darkness. Just then a bolt of lightning struck down on my old, worn out house and suddenly began to fall in to the murky, luminous sea.
Leo & Charlie
6:44
Water clashing into it was shaking the old rusty building.
Isla&Cossie
6:44
It’s like the sea covers it’s  deep, deep secrets.
Miles and Dom
6:44
“You will never see your unsuccessful captain ever again!” muttered an anonymous, rasping voice. The lights came back on, but Sprinkles was gone. Where is he now?
Ruby and Ankita
6:45
The hammering noise of the sea bounced back and forth against the metal.
Luke and Callum
6:45
The death defying sea looked liked it was about to disintegrate the oil rigs.
Abigail
6:45
As a giant box floated past me I began to hear the sound of weeping coming from inside.
Mr Tinsley
6:46
Abigail - you are making the same mistakes almost every time. Rather than writing new ones, please edit the last ones and start using commas to separate your clauses
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