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Descriptive Writing
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Mr Shelton
5:29
Great.  Reread your last sentence, does it need the word 'When' at the start?
Olivia and Dilly
5:30
As I crawled up the steep steps of the abandoned house, I felt something or someone stalking me. As I approached the room full of graphite smoke I saw something like wine or blood splattered all across the burned, rotten walls. We found a baby’s cradle all torn apart with some wine coloured blood stains.
Mr Shelton
5:30
Wonderful writing.  Can you vary your fronted adverbials so they don't start with 'as'?
Jamillah and Richard
5:32
The old abandoned house was  disgusting,wrecked,everywhere  you look you would see rats  scattered  all over the floor . As I creeped more I saw died  animals everywhere I was disgusted.
Mr Shelton
5:32
Great vocabulary.  What is the past tense of creep?
Harrison and Riley
5:33
As we walked into ancient old fashioned house I trembled in fear while voices was racing through my body like a race.
Mr Shelton
5:33
Love it.  Can you use another simile so you're not repeating 'race'?
Jamillah and Richard
5:34
The little girl was standing next to the tunnel with a light at the top she slowly crept towards it as she went she had made a big mistake.
Mr Shelton
5:34
Does this all need to be one sentence?
Jacob and Dylan
5:35
As I walked up to the light I felt someone touch my attire body. It was a bunch of rats with sharp teeth.I shakes the off one of the rats bite me I ran for my life.
Mr Shelton
5:36
Great fronted adverbial! Be careful with the word 'attire' is this the correct word?
Mr Shelton
5:37
I'm still waiting for relative clauses!
Harrison and Riley
5:37
As we were walking through the house we found a cellar door and it leads you into a pitch black tunnel and we heard a scream and we standed as still as a scarecrow
Mr Shelton
5:37
Full stop.
Imisi frankie and James
5:38
In the pitch black horrifying tunnel a shadow appeared out of nowhere it looked like a little girl but it was not it was a deman.
Miley and munashe
5:38
Quickly, she ran to the cellar to find some tape but eventually she got lost and instead she magically found a pearl portal that will send her back in time. But when she turned around, she sees Penny Wise standing in the corner holding a cherry, scarlet balllon.
Jamillah and Richard
5:38
The little girl was standing next to the tunnel with the light at the top.She slowly crept towards it as she went in she had made a big mistake.
Maddie
5:39
As her parents rushed her in the cellar she couldn’t breathe.They threw her on her ribs they cracked like a quaver in a mouth.Her dirty rotting body sat there as her father came to get her lungs for the lunch that night.Her shaking body stood up she saw they were sleeping her head banged like an earthquake as the voices told her what to do.She knew it and did it her father screamed.Her eyes were spiralling.She did it now she didn’t even hold back.Her mother woke up horrified,her maid had to hold the girl back as her mother called the police.The
Lucas and jess
6:19
I see many rats scuttling across the floor with a blood stain on the wall and a skull on a spike the white pathway was so bright. That all I could see was a tall figure of a man I step closer and then it grabs me I scream then it’s all over I’m in my bed it was all a dream
Miley and munashe
6:19
Quickly, she ran to the cellar to find some tape but eventually she got lost and instead she magically found a pearl portal that will send her back in time. But when she turned around, she sees Penny Wise standing in the corner holding a cherry, scarlet balloon. “ You’ll float to “
Poppie , Millie
6:19
She wasent always like this she was kind and always playing in the park but everyone dident always except here but Maddie which was here,well yousd to be here best friend but now it’s not a joke anymore.Poppie which was Maddie friend which was crazy and that is when everything changed.she got put in a mental instertutian by the way she killed here best friend and that is when they got revenge on each other
Harrison and Riley
6:19
As we were walking through the house we found a cellar door and it leads you into a pitch black tunnel and we heard a scream and we standed still as a scarecrow.
Jacob and Dylan
6:19
the girl was so close to freedom. But then someone was stalking her but then someone jumped on her. Then she ran for her life
Stephen and Shinwin
6:19
I was kidnapped and sent into this cave, I woke up but couldn’t remember what happened. I found myself in a on a rock thinking, I look dirty and disgusting, when I get home I’m going to buy a new dress, so I walked slowly to try not to get my dress dirty. I finally got through but there are bats everywhere and I am allergic (actually I’m not allergic, I just afraid of them) so I tried to scare them off but they won’t go so I ran screaming ‘I hate this place, I want my mummy.’ Then I found a portal that led me out but I was angry that my dress is horrible, at least I didn’t forget that when I get home I will buy the most beautiful and expensive dress to show of to the world!
Jacob and Dylan
6:19
As I was so close to the exit someone had been watching me. Then he pounced on top of me I pushed him of then ran.
Imisi and frankie
6:19
The little girl
Richard and james
6:19
As the little girl crept through the pitch black tunnel with the light on top, immediately she changed her decision because of a terrifying scream she heard.When she was running something suddenly pulled her back, her life flashed before her eyes
Olivia and Dilly
6:19
I crept into the basement. Silence filled every corner of room. The only thing you could hear is the whimpering of the jittery rats. After a moment, I saw an illusion of a devil looking woman. At the end of the room there was a wide corridor. There where a few big blood stains and deep wolf-like scratches. Just then, I heard a scraping noise. Something was shuffling towards me, so I ran till at last I found a light at the end of a tunnel.
Lucas and jess
6:20
The little girl stared at the ominous light and didn’t dare look away. The shadow in the light was staring back and didn’t move either the girl knew if she turned away the figure would chase after her so she was forced to stare at the disturbing creature forever .
Miley and munashe
6:20
Quickly, she ran to the cellar to find some tape but eventually she got lost and instead she magically found a pearl portal that will send her back in time. But when she turned around, she sees Penny Wise standing in the corner holding a cherry, scarlet balloon. “ Right now, I am holding  a scarlet balloon and it will help you die!” exclaimed Penny Wise. Holly didn’t care what she said. As she ran towards the portal, she could feel her body shivering in fear but then she felt a shiver of relief and she could feel a shiver of joy.
Jamillah and Phoebe
6:20
In the dark,scoot, tunnel stood a girl  she  was  wearing dirty clothes she looked like she knew  these tuneless but little did she know that could change her life
Richard and james
6:20
As the little girl crept through the tunnel, immediately she regretted her decision because she heard a terrifying scream. When she was running something suddenly pulled her back, her life flashed  before her eyes, when she woke up she was in a chair in a frightening room.Then a creepy figure popped up through the window with scarlet red eyes.
Jacob and Dylan
6:20
I was so close to getting out of the cave. But then I had the feeling that someone was watching me then I walked a bit closer it turned out to be a bunch of bats coming at me so I just ran and ran
Jamillah and Phoebe
6:20
she wasn’t always like this she used to love playing outside with her friends until
Mr Shelton
6:23
You follow the figure to the end of the tunnel and come out to this scene ahead of you.  Continue your description.
6:24
I'm still waiting for a relative clause!
Stephen, Shinwin and Oliver
6:24
Once upon a time, there was a abandoned house that was torn to pieces and all that was left of it was a wooden table there was no one there and all that was left was left was a single deck chair. One day a fearless man barged in to find the scariest places on earth. He saw the chair and table and sat down for a while. The was a silence. The man wanted to know if anyone was home, so he shouted “Hello, anyone home” but no one answered. So the man check to see if anyone was home but there was no one there. The man check again but no one was there. It was the third time, there was a scary doll just the size of a regular doll, it walked towards the man and said “I will eat you for dinner!” The man screamed and ran out of the house as fast as he could. So, do you live to tell the tale?
Imisi and frankie
6:24
I was just walking to mums house but I got lost now. At the moment I'm lost in a jet black tunnel I can barley see anything. Suddenly a light lit up I spotted a torch and I began to walk and walk then I heard something move.  I caught site of someone's shadow I dared not look up but it was the end for her.
Harrison and Riley and Lennon
6:26
As the boy crept through the old abandoned house he felt like he was being watched at that moment he heard a whisper that said“Go any further and you’ll regret it!”then he found a closed door he tried to open it but it didn’t budge. He heard a noise so unpleasant he tried to run out but the entrance door had been locked he then ran upstairs to find that the door he once tried to open had been slightly opened. He approached the door and opened it then a mysterious creature with no arm and different colour eyes then the camera shut of...
Richard and james
6:26
As the figure snapped his fingers they appeared in a volcano, full of lava, dimension
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